Change how you're being perceived
How people perceive you is 50% what you really are and 50% what people think you are
During a few meeting sessions with a mentee, we came to a conclusion that their manager has the wrong perception of their work. Or perhaps, the mentee’s skills and action. This post talks about the process of identifying and changing this.
First, reality check #
If on one hand, I say: “I’m doing X. I’m good at X. People just don’t get that I’m doing X well”. But on the other hand, I’m getting feedback from multiple people that I’m not actually doing X very well, or at all - then maybe I’m just plain wrong.
Before I say that someone else’s perception of my work isn’t aligned with reality - I first need to look at myself in the mirror - and see if I’m not the one who needs a reality check.
Something which helps is to try and provide myself a few indisputable facts that contradict the other person’s perception. Another is to gather some feedback from other people, but people who I trust who’ll give me honest feedback - even if it’ll be hard for me to hear.
Step 1: FYI communication #
The first step to changing the other person’s perception is to tell the other person about you working the thing you want them to know. Tell them what you’ve done and how you’ve done it. Don’t brag. Keep it short and informative. You don’t want to sugar-coat or to bullshit them. That gets picked up easily.
Step 2: Share dilemmas, ask for guidance #
Next, make the other person be active in your thinking process. Think about a task or an issue that you’re having related to how you’re being perceived by the other person. Think about ways you might tackle that. Then, bring this up with the other person. Ask for their advice.
By doing so, you’re forcing the other person to think about this topic. It’s something that you’ve raised. It’s something that they’re thinking about. It’ll make them know that you’re actively working on that area.
Step 3: Ask for help #
Identify something that the other person could help you with, in the area of the perception you’d like to change. Again, don’t fake it. It needs to be real. It needs to be something you know you’re struggling with and also something that the other person is well-positioned to help with. Be concrete: “I’m currently having difficulty in doing X. I believe that you could help me make progress by doing Y. What do you think? Can you please help me?”
By asking for help, you’re making the other person understand that you’re actively working on getting better on that area. You’re aware of something that you’re blocked on, or maybe not doing well. From the other person’s point of view - it validates their (maybe wrong) point of view. But it also shows them that you’re actively trying to fix it.
And here’s the kicker: by asking for help, you’ll be tying their actions to changing rhe other person’s perception of you. If the other person does help - and the issue doesn’t get improved or resolved - the other person may feel responsible. Therefore, they have motivation to help you. If the other person’s help does move things forward, they’ll get a nice, warm, fuzzy feeling about that success. It’ll (hopefully) sub-consciously tie that good feeling to you, as you were part of that effort.
Now, repeat #
Rinse and repeat. Don’t go full guns blazing, as it might overwhelm the other person. It depends on many factors - but try and find the balance for how and how much to apply each step. By repeatedly talking, sharing and making the other person an active participant in the thinking process and by incorporating them in taking action - you’ll be able to change their perception.
Best of luck.